Phew! I just have some rambling to get out about the events that consumed the majority of my day. It has been a sort of rollercoaster-y up and down, mostly down, which I think would a pretty crazy rollercoaster because at this point you’d probably be underground, kind of day. My day has been down because I dove into my second round of summer classes. Two online courses, one is a humanities course, Russia and the Soviet Union. The other is Accounting. The up, the Russia class. The down. The way down. The took-the-rollercoaster-underground, in the dark, the sounds-cool-but-it’s-really-terrifying down, Accounting. I am just not a numbers a person. Even the language used has me all worked up.
I used to not care about grades, or really even education in general. I always saw it as something that wasn’t for me, that I just couldn’t do. Don’t get me wrong, if I enjoyed a class, I would absolutely go and listen. But attendance, and studying, and getting so worked up over something as small as a score on a test that wouldn’t even matter when the class ended, I didn’t get that stuff. But here I am, a 25 year old woman, totally freaking out over studying, and that one single test score.
Perhaps it’s that in the last couple years, I have realized the opportunities that working hard on an education can potentially give you. Or that the people who are offering up these pearls of wisdom are actually smart people, who happen to have a wealth of knowledge over a topic that can benefit me in some way. Or that I finally appreciate the opportunities that my freaking amazing, **appreciation tears welling up in eyeballs** beautiful, magical parents have given me. Overall, I would say it definitely has something to do with all of those, and most importantly, finding your niche.
So today, while working on something that is absolutely not, and never will be, my niche, I broke down. I was at work, alone thankfully, and just lost it. Started crying, and thinking that I might literally be the dumbest human ever. After a few minutes I realized that I was at work, and that anyone could walk through the door, so I needed to get my shit together. But I also remembered, hey, yo gurl, this isn’t your thing. It’s going to be hard. Ask for help, even if you don’t even know what kind of help you need. Don’t just break down crying because when your credit and debits worksheet is wrong the stupid website you’re using says “Um, you’ve answered wrong so many times we are just going to give you the answer so you can move on to the next problem.” WHAT IS THAT SUPPOSED TO TEACH ME, WEBSITE?!
So tonight after some Audrey talks, and some Mom talks, and a little more crying, and some ice cream, I am not just giving up on Accounting (although that would be awesome, UNI, can we just do that?). I did however put it away for today. Tomorrow Audrey is going to see if she can help me. And then hopefully next week I will find a unicorn of a tutor who can help me understand whatever the heck accounting actually is.
I know I won’t get an A. And no matter how much I learn from this class or use the knowledge in the future, the textbook will never be worth the $200 spent on it. But, maybe I will come out of this class with a high C. Then I can say to myself, you did it! You practically crushed it! You should still always higher an accountant.